I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
