You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My penis needs a shock collar
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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