i just had sex bonerless
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
