Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
