He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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