forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Four minutes until I can fart!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
