dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
