the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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