Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Panties = found
Randomize
