I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
