My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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