i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
