Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
