Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
