for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
