if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
