I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
