somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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