Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
