Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
