I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
