So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
