Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
