I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
