Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
NoShamevember. You game?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
