i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
