pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
