I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
