We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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