By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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