i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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