A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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