That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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