Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
