I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
