there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
