Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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