1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
