youre lurking in front of me
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
