If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
