R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
