Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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