I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
