id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So many bounce houses so little time
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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