No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
