hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
