I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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