She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
