Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
