He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
