I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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