i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
