Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
