Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
