It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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