i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
As shirtless as possible
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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