Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
