just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
