his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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