Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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