I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
