Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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