my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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